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Existentialism

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Date:Thursday, July 30, 2009

Note: This was written while I was offline, due to corporations sucking more than smaller businesses would.

As I finally come back online after an unexpected, if unwanted hiatus away from my typical dwelling - the internet, I had a lot of time to think. Thinking, as it is for everyone, tends to be both a blessing and a curse. Funny, the thing that had me thinking was Family Guy. The episode where Meg becomes a fanatic religious zealot, and tries to push her beliefs onto Brian, who like myself, is Agnostic. At the end of the episode, logic gets the best of Meg (don't get me wrong - believe in whatever you want, not my position to tell you all what to think), and she realizes how insignificant she really is in this grand universe. Imagine that... me sitting here. In my bedroom. In this house. In this neighborhood. In this county. In this state. In this country. In this continent. On this planet. In this solar system. In this grand, less than 0.000001% explored (maybe more, eh more than likely more) universe. And I come back to me sitting here, basking in the comforting glow of my monitor. I really do ponder myself too much at times; I can't help it.

What was the point in writing this? I don't know, really. It had been bugging me for several hours, and I had to put them down somewhere. And I wanted someone to read what was on my mind. I'm weird like that, I like to speak my mind, and I like everyone to know that. Maybe that's why I talk so much. Maybe that's why I speak so loudly. Mom tells me that "even though I am deaf, you don't need to yell" all of the time. Heh, I don't mean to, but years of talking to her without her hearing-aids has made me talk a few tones too loud. YES, I blame mom for my big mouth. She yells more than me. Serious! But...

What was the real point in this? I...like venting when things bug me, I suppose. I don't really understand why this bugs me, exactly. I like to think the world revolves around me, when it apparently doesn't. Being broke like I am. Unemployed. Living with my mom. Yeah, totally cool, aren't I? But...I know a lot of people like me, I'm not a completely terrible person. Believe me, I am still looking for a job. If I'm lucky, I'll have one shortly after I post this. Boy, that would be great. I could do things...and stuff! I don't even know why I'll feel the need to post this, but I will. As soon as I notice it is sitting there on my desktop. To be honest, I'm bored to death here. I've beaten every 360 game I have, and I can't access any new games without the internet. Stupid Steam won't let me play in offline mode because my PC shut off playing Half-Life 2: Episode 1, or something. I try to start the game up and I keep getting...hold on:

Steam: Updating.. Could not connect to the Steam network. It appears that you are not currently connnected to the internet, or that your internet connection is not configured correctly for Steam. Either check your connection and click 'Retry', or start Steam in 'Offline Mode'.

Then there's a link and three buttons:

Network troubleshooting tips Retry Connection -> Start in Offline Mode -> Quit

No matter what I do, I always get:

Could not connect to Steam network. This could be due to a problem with your Internet connection, or with the Steam network. Please visit www.steampowered.com for more info.

When I click 'OK', there's another prompt window behind it that says:

This operation cannot be completed when Steam is in offline mode.

So, basically, until this internet gets reconnected, I'm fucked. AND THAT'S BULLSHIT, MAN. I was near the end of Episode 1. Oh well. Anyway, enough of me for now. I'll possibly have something else to write about again. Oh, right. I've had a lot of time to think about that crippling euphoria I was dancing around about before the 'blackout' of sorts, and well. I'm over it. ^___^ If you talk to me, you'll know what I mean. I have to work on me in order to work with someone else. Also, don't ask why my net was out for over a week. I'll be extra sure to not answer if you ask.

K, bye.

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